Yours Truly, Country Mouse

Oats and beans and the grand old days

About to sit down to dinner the other night and our six year old, Ben, asked if we could light the candles “like the grand old days.” I laughed and said of course, we light the candles most nights in our house anyways. The phrasing he used, “the grand old days” stuck with me, partly because it’s something right out of a Ludwig Bemelmans’ account of eating and dining during the invention of good hospitality. But more so because it proves that something about our family dinners, chaotic as they might be for a 6 and 8 year-old, a baby, and working parents hell-bent on cooking most things from scratch, holds reverence for Ben. It’s possible he’s just a pyromaniac or that he wants the chance to blow them out using his signature extinguishing helllooooooo (where he blows out by saying hello very close to the flame) or it might be, that some part of him likes the insistence of a little ritual and romance at dinnertime. This thought is especially comforting considering that Rae and Ben, dislike so many things I make. I used to think they were just being difficult, turning their nose up just to exercise control or autonomy, but it turns out, they’re actually sophisticated little tasters who can discern even the slightest variations in my cooking. Among the (great number of) things the kids will not eat, BEANS is top of list. Beans in all forms (apart from canned “sweet beans”) are met with, sometimes literal, cries of disgust. 

For Rae, pen name Cobra, the disdain for beans extends beyond the dinner table, it’s a conversation starter (or ender depending on who you’re talking to), and it’s even inspiration for his first literary masterpiece: Two Mice: No Like Homes. The piece, you can read below, is more than just a tale of two mice of varying tastes and lifestyles, it’s a thinly veiled critique of the California child’s eating experience. You may find yourself identifying with a character in this story, speaking as a country mouse here. Or you may just read it at face value— a short tale, dictated by a 7 year old, about respecting preferences, hating beans, and forgiving fast.

Two Mice: No Like Homes

Once there was a mouse that lived in the country and one that lived in the city. The city one was a boy, his cousin was a boy too. One was named Frank. Frank lived in the city. One was named Bob, he lived in the country. “Oh, what a lovely country this is,” he said. His cousin said “welcome, make yourself at home. Come in, come in!”

Then they were sitting down to dinner. “We’re having oats and beans for dinner tonight! Mmmm mmm delicious, he said. The city mouse was like, “OK.”

“Alright, here’s dinner - oats and beans, what a delicious meal I cooked!” said the country mouse. And then the city mouse said, “I don’t like oats and beans!” And the country mouse said “try it, I made it!” And then the city mouse said, “Ewww! I don’t like these oats and beans, they are disgusting. That’s IT! I’m going home.”

The country mouse said “no wait, cousin don’t go.” But the city mouse left. And then the city mouse called his cousin and asked if he wanted to stay over in the city. The country mouse said, “oh jolly good, I’ll be glad to come and have a new adventure on my hand.” The city mouse said, “I hope you make it.”

“Oh cousin, you’re here, come in come in. I have some dinner for you, prepared. Come in, it’s freezing cold out here.” The country mouse said, “what’s for dinner?”

“Oh of course, how rude of me,” said the city mouse. And the country mouse said, “let me guess, we’re having oats and beans?!” 

Oh no, we are having something much more fancy! We are having cheeeeese and fancy bread and mouse drinks and we can even get our own servers,” said the city mouse. “Um, OK,” said the country mouse.

“Come on, we’re inside now, the finest chef’s made our meal.”

The country mouse took a bite of the fancy cheese and the fancy bread and took a drink of the mouse drink. And the country mouse said, “I don’t like this, I’m leaving!”

And then they called each other later and the country mouse said, “I’m sorry, I like different things” and the city mouse said “I like different things too.”

The end.

The author of this book is Cobra Davis. He is very handsome. He has blue eyes. And for the record, he does not like oats and beans. Cobra ain’t like oats and beans.